business and the feminine spirit - barbara heyn

Introduction
Love in business. A novel concept. Most of us are probably used to a traditional culture at work where 'proper' reserved behavior is expected. People keep their distance and approach work and relationships with a sense of formality.

What if that paradigm were to shift towards a more compassionate and spiritual model?

In the past, traditionally male behaviors such as tough-minded decision-making and competitive aggression were the standard. At job interviews and when assessing performance and potential, leaders would assess whether the employee had 'fire in his belly' or was a fist-pounding-on-the-table kind of guy or gal. There was little tolerance of sensitivity, never mind tears. Now however a sea-change is occurring that recognises the value in management and leadership of feminine traits such as warmth, affection, nurturing and intuition.

Some would identify this move as introducing love into the workplace.

In fact, love flows naturally when you create a space for it. People are naturally inclined to good. It's the business world that makes us resistant and sceptical.

If you are open and accepting, people can feel comfortable around you. People feel better when they are allowed and encouraged to connect on a deeper level with others, especially with managers and superiors. Fear and anxiety is no help in organizations. Connecting openly dispels anxiety and makes for harmonious relationships.

An increased sense of humanity and trust positively impacts the bottom line, because people - and entire organizations - work far better when folk are happy.

Here are some pointers for creating a humane and productive business environment, for anyone who seeks to make a positive difference in their work:

1. Establish a collaborative mindset
Your peers can be an excellent support system. View your colleagues as potential allies rather than threats - especially people in 'warring' departments. Ask for their opinions and listen to what they have to say. Incorporate their input into your decision making. Work on inclusion and resist exclusion.

Business processes often encourage unhealthy competition, exclusion, alienation, lack of consultation and non-collaborative behaviors, so look out for these negative situations, and use collaboration and cooperation to remove tensions.

Look out especially for policies and systems that discourage (unintentionally or intentionally) collective working and team-work, especially between departments.

In the belief that it raises overall performance standards, certain leaders encourage unhealthy competition and 'free-market' methods which are designed to see only the best performers survive, leaving less experienced or less capable people to struggle. Of course this can raise performance at the top level, but it's not a recipe for building strengths in depth, nor for organic growth and self-sufficiency throughout the organization.

In such environments traditionally female strengths such as relationship building, empathy and listening skills are suppressed if you allow them to be, so instead consciously use these capabilities.

The ability to work in partnership and collaborate with others is a behavior that should be encouraged, rewarded and leveraged.

Foster collaboration ahead of competition.

2. Reach out to others
Find ways to connect personally with others on an honest human level. Ask sensitive questions and identify common areas of interest. Proactively look for opportunities to help team members in a meaningful way.

Do something outrageously kind for a co-worker with no expectation of anything in return. Maybe unexpectedly treat the colleague ahead of you in the cafeteria line to lunch. Just for the heck of it. Throw surprise parties for people, or baby showers (US-speak I know..) for soon-to-be moms and dads.

When engaging with anyone - managing, co-working, collaborating, networking, directing, following, whatever - focus on what you can do to benefit the other person, not vice versa. Your positive, genuine efforts will have a lasting impact.

Some people use the word 'Karma' in referring to this sort of concept, and while Karma has other deeper and complex meanings in Buddhist and Hindhu ideaology, one of the central principles is quite irresistible when you get the habit: namely that people who do good things generally find that they experience good things as a result. The universe - or whatever life force is out there - does seem to keep checks and balances..

3. Use your intuition
There's much truth to the concept of 'female intuition'. Intuition is invaluable especially in dealings with people. This skill isn't limited to the female gender. Men have it too if they simply tune into it, rather than denying its existence or relevance as can be the tendency.
Take note of your physical and emotional feelings associated with intuition. Your hunches are often correct and are based on information that may not be readily apparent to your consciousness. We all know deep down whether something is right and good.

You develop your intuitive abilities by first of all accepting that you have them, and then by practising paying attention to your feelings. Trusting your intuition is a wonderful way to enhance your decision-making skills. Listen to your instincts and afterwards, debrief with a trusted colleague or mentor. What decisions did you make? What were the repercussions of these? Do you notice any patterns? Does your intuition play a larger role in certain areas, (people, processes, teams, aims, tactics, problem-solving, etc) so that you might transfer the intuitive approach to other aspects of your decision-making?

Note the outcomes of your intuitive decision-making and capture them in writing. You don't need to write a book - just jottings or little diary notes suffice for many people. This way you'll remember things and be able to refer back to them, which means you are more likely to spot the connections between your intuitive feelings and actual results, which helps develop intuitive ability. It's in all of us, or the human race would not have survived. Did you ever see a caveman with a spreadsheet or a psychometric test? Of course not - they used their instincts and intuition to succeed and survive. Or a big stick of course, but we don't want to go back to that..

4. Meditate daily
First we need to debunk a few myths about meditation. For example meditation is not just for hippies and Buddhists, and you don't need to adopt that funny cross-legged pose and fill the place with patchouli smoke to do it.

Meditation, like love and spirituality, is an option that's available to us all. Anyone can do it. It's essentially a deeper state of thought and relaxation than we normally achieve, because simply we normally don't bother. If you put your mind to it, literally, you can do it and get better at it, and maybe one day even try the cross-legged thing too. And there are plenty of other fragrances if patchouli doesn't do it for you.

Incidentally the reason why darkened rooms, fragranced candles or incense and soft music or other soothing sounds are used in meditation, is similar to why we bathe toddlers and read them a story before bed - it all helps condition and trigger the mental response towards the intended feeling and behavior. Logically if you want to relax, it helps if the body is encouraged to do so through as many senses and sensations as possible - your brain is part of your body remember - if your body is being distracted and kept ready for action because of lots of simulation, then relaxation and meditation is a bit trickier to achieve. Instead, do things to relax your body, and your brain will relax too. And don't get the children all excited before bedtime or they won't go to sleep..

Meditation, aside from being good for health, healing, de-stressing, and general relaxation, is an extremely powerful way to heighten your connection to your intuition, and is also remarkably good for bringing forth your 'feminine' aspects (for men and women alike).

When you meditate you help your mind and body to be 'centred' again - to restore your natural balance. In this way helps awaken and enhance 'feminine' strengths that we all possess to one degree or another, that are commonly suppressed by the pressures of work and life.

Meditating is bit like running a 'full system restore' on a personal computer - it's cleansing and helps get us back closer to our 'factory settings'.

Start by meditating once a day for ten minutes. A quiet darkened room helps, but really you can do it anywhere - even in the car, although best not while driving. It's even possible after a little practice to sneak a quick two minutes of meditative re-charge or relaxation at your desk in front of the PC any time you feel the need. Obviously the environment has an effect on the ease and depth of experience you can achieve, hence why a darkened room is a good idea for beginners or serious sessions.

If you fancy it, lighting a scented candle or playing some soothing sounds can help. The crackle of an open fire is good for some people. The sound of water and waves also help. Whatever, it's a matter of what makes you feel comfortable.

Focus on your breathing and if thoughts come to mind, don't fight them, just accept them, and then let them go.

View your mind as a chalkboard (or wipeboard if you prefer a modern slant) and mentally erase all thoughts from the space. As a beginner, if you are able to hold your mind clear of thoughts for one to two minutes, you are doing great.

Our 'monkey minds' are constantly jumping around and it takes a bit of discipline and practice to slow or eliminate our thoughts. With practice and repeating the sensory ideas that work for you, you will soon be meditating like a Buddha.

Build up to meditating twice a day for ten minutes, and any other time you feel the need to re-charge or relax. You'll find yourself grounded and attuned more closely to your feelings. And the incense will make you smell great.

5. Build your confidence
Appreciate what you have to offer and encourage open dialogue with those who may share different strengths. Professionals who are truly comfortable in their own skin are often the most competent and humble. By valuing your inner worth, it will be much easier to rid yourself of jealousy and competitive thoughts.

Rise above petty conversations at work. Refrain from initiating or contributing to gossip. Judge no-one. If you need to assess situations and performance focus objectively on behavior and causes rather than subjective personal criticism.

Feel comfortable wearing clothes that express your personality. Go ahead and don a soft blouse, flouncy skirt and sandals that set off freshly painted toenails. Women can do this too...
It's a question of celebrating your personal style - even if the dress code for your situation is a bit restrictive - find ways to be yourself.

Relaxing and lightening up is more helpful for confidence than taking yourself seriously. Remember the laid-back teachers at school who were always calm, and who never seemed to lose their temper at anything? The ones who always had that air of confidence? Being relaxed and calm about things - 'counting to ten' instead of blowing up - is a way to build confidence, as much as it is a sign of confidence. You can be the same.

In addition, a little self-deprecating fun can lighten any situation. Someone who can break the ice - or the tension of a difficult moment - is regarded as a mature and calming influence. People who cannot take a joke might be stern, but they are almost always regarded as lacking in self-assurance too. If you have the strength to enjoy a laugh at your own expense you automatically exude confidence.

6. Put yourself out there
Take a risk. When it comes to connecting with others, challenge yourself outside your comfort zone. Although this may go against the grain in traditional corporations, initiate emotional engagement with other people, and maybe even a bit of physical contact - within acceptable boundaries of course. It's safest with someone of the same gender, unless you know the other person well.

Physical contact is an immensely powerful thing. Many people really enjoy a good hug - in fact sometimes it's the only cure when people are upset or angry. Physical contact does however carry certain risks in the workplace because of the risks misinterpreting signals, so if in doubt don't use it. Nevertheless there are times when you can trust your instincts and reach out to people in this way, even if it's a gentle touch on the arm, or a pat on the back.

Being friendly though is perfectly safe. Go out of your way to greet a colleague you haven't seen in a while. Be the first to say hello. Never ignore someone because you think they ignored you first - they probably never even noticed you because they were still thinking about the big game last night, or whether they left the oven on.

The world is full of people who wait for the other person to initiate contact. No wonder people don't generally communicate well - they are all too busy thinking they've been ignored, when in fact nothing can be further from the truth. Everyone longs for the other person to initiate content and give them a big friendly smile.

And that's the way it starts - then you do begin to do it more often, and then other people try it too because they see it's safe and nobody dies, and before long everyone on the floor is happy to make the first move, then it spreads to the whole building. Because everyone realises it's okay to be open and friendly.

Individuals at all levels of an organization welcome being treated as a full person, not just a workmate or a phone extension, or an email address.

So put yourself out there: approach people as people - in a genuinely friendly way - be affectionate and caring - through hugs and pats when it's okay, or simply through a big warm smile.

7. Do the right thing because it's the right thing to do
Demonstrate integrity and stand up to unethical comments or decisions. Move past your own discomfort when it comes to doing the right thing, even (and especially) when no one is watching.

Challenge that inappropriate joke or derogatory remark. If it's wrong don't laugh because everyone else does and it's difficult not to. It's not always necessary to challenge things vocally - sometimes staying silent is challenge enough.

Stand up for people who are not represented in the conversation. You'll be recognised as a leader for enhancing the conscience of the group or organization.

Sometimes it's very difficult indeed to do the right thing, especially if the whole organization and all the people around you are advocating and accepting something that's wrong. But often all it takes is one brave soul to ask a sensible question, "Do we all really believe that this is the right thing to do? - I mean is this really ethical and good?" Or to say, "I'm really sorry but actually I can't go along with that because to me it's not right."

And then lots more people will feel strong enough to say they don't agree either, and then you have a real basis for building something good and ethical. Sometimes all it takes is one brave soul, and that can be anyone. It can be you.

Use your deepest instincts to decide what is right, to feeling centred and confident, and to connect with and value other people. These are the behaviors which enable organizations to respond successfully to the challenges of the modern world.

It's not about table-thumping or shouting, and it's not about costs and profit. It's about fundamental spiritual things like love, caring for and respecting people (including yourself); the quieter gentler 'feminine' strengths and skills that all of us possess - men and women - and which we all must now to be able to use.

Organizational culture-shifts happen not because someone at the top makes a pronouncement - a culture-shift happens when the attitudes and behaviors of their people change.

At the root of any successful change you will increasingly find the qualities of love and trust, which together create the freedom for us to make the right decisions, to connect with others, to challenge and to innovate.

A trusting organization that values and encourages the softer 'feminine' traits among all of its people is one that leverages diversity and harmony. And that, in anyone's book, makes good business sense.
© Barbara Heyn, August 2006.

Barbara Heyn is founder of Atticus Consulting LLC, a global-organisation development consultancy, based in Cincinnati, Ohio.

She specialises in coaching executives and professionals to develop global teams, leadership and to leverage cultural diversity. She has over 15 years of corporate experience in this field having consulted with many multi-national corporations in the US, Mexico, Europe, and the Middle East.

Barbara holds a BA in Psychology from the University of Michigan, a Masters in Labor and Industrial Relations from Michigan State University and a certificate in Organization Development from NTL, Institute for Applied Behavioral Sciences. She graduated from the leadership programs of Future Milwaukee and the Phillips Leadership Institute and has served on the Boards of Jewish Vocational Services and the Greater Cincinnati Applied Psychological Types chapter.

Barbara's contribution of this article and cooperation in the edit are gratefully acknowledged.

my vision: love, meaning and the whole person in business - sonia stojanovic

My vision is to bring love into business. To recognise that everything is love, that business doesn't need to be the kind of 'dog eat dog', hard-edged, market driven process, which we see developed in its biggest extremes today. That it can return to shareholders while also contributing to the community and giving meaning to people's lives.

My work is about getting people and organisations to have the courage and energy to look at and accept that the whole person has a place in the workplace, as opposed to the historical perspective that subscribes to the adage that the person who turns up for work is part of a machine as a human resource. It's about having the recognition that the whole person has a whole life and that we don't have to turn off parts of our lives and ourselves as we walk in the door. Once we can get people to get that, then they're up for doing the transformational work. This shift in root perspective is key to the work that I do.

They can then support their teams and businesses to go through processes that assist people to make the necessary choices that recognise that firstly they are fractured, and that there is choice to reintegrate the mind, body and spirit - that all three do matter to all of us. The key is to have people get that while we are taking them on a personal journey of transformation, we are also able to measure and track that it's good for business. It does have to have a positive impact on business performance and not just be a touchy, feely, nice thing to do. We can prove this impact now on a wide range of measures. It makes intuitive sense that if people are their whole selves and are authentic with each other that the positive relationships that result will produce in an up lift in productivity. We can offer that as the strange attractor to others to follow suit.

The strange attractor
You know that restaurant scene in 'When Harry Met Sally', where the woman says I want some of what she's having. When someone sees that someone else is having something good that they don't have, it's becomes the strange attractor. This is one of the ways to influence global culture shifts. We demonstrate that it can and does work and then others begin to want some of that. Once in the door, we work with people and organisations in a transformational way and the productivity, creativity and engagement becomes a fait accompli.

In my travels round the world, working for organisational transformation, I'm now seeing a big shift towards more people-focused business. I believe this is due in great part to three things:

1. There's got to be a better way
The baby boom generation are the ones now leading these big companies and the baby boomers were either involved in, or on the fringes of, the 60's when the idea of love, peace and all that stuff came in to the vernacular. They've gone through their 'making hay while the sun shines' days and they're in their mid 50's and 60's now reflecting back, as I do, on what that was all about, thinking 'there's got to be a better way.' Also as we begin to see our own mortality with our parents passing, the questions arise in our minds - 'What is my legacy? What am I leaving for future generations and how will I be remembered?'

2. Young people on the leading edge of change
The younger generations are saying very clearly, "We don't want to be like you. In fact we resent the way you are, the 'me only' generation and we want something different. Yes we'll come and work for you and of course your money is important, but that just gets us in the door. So unless there's the challenge and the contribution that I want to work for, then I'm not going to stay." This is a generalisation, but it does seem that young people are the ones on the leading edge of change. They rattle things from inside, demanding that things be different. I feel this agitation of the field of business is a healthy one.

3. Hundreds of thousands of us
There are hundreds of thousands of us out there, if not millions, working on these big visions. I run across them every day in my travels around the world. They may be people who are doing similar work to my own, in business, the community, schools, government, or they're people who are packing groceries in the supermarket that you strike up a conversation with or a taxi-driver who tells you his life story on the way between home and work. There's a lot of thinking and reflecting going on out there. If you allow yourself the time to check into it, you find it everywhere!

What I've been finding is that if I shift the way I behave with people - connect more openly and honestly - then people are more likely to have these far deeper more meaningful conversations that are transforming the world. It's those conversations that you can have at any moment of the day that truly are a blessing. What I find so interesting is that I'm often more 'out there' when I have those kinds of conversations one on one with people than I am in a corporate setting. I can try things out that I would be more circumspect with in a corporate setting. It's very fascinating to find how people respond when you talk heart to heart with them. And yet organisations are made up of people just like this - people with hearts.

A global network
Being a visionary gives me the opportunity to really play at the edge and I love that. That's part of my contribution, as is connecting people. I'm always looking for opportunities to put people together with each other. I have this vision of having a neural network of people covering the whole globe. The reason that I'm happy and love going to different parts of the world is because it gives me the opportunity to taste that part of the world and where it's at, to see what's ready to be birthed and to meet those who are on the journey, to discover who's available for the work. At the moment, I'm working in Canada, the Middle East, Africa, Brazil and in the US. I'm going with the energy of working globally wherever there's an opening to engage in this new way and to co-create this neural network of like-minded people who share the vision.

cherie carter-scott's rules of life

(Carter Scott references this quotation:) "Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood." (Helen Keller)

Rule One - You will receive a body. Whether you love it or hate it, it's yours for life, so accept it. What counts is what's inside.

Rule Two - You will be presented with lessons. Life is a constant learning experience, which every day provides opportunities for you to learn more. These lessons specific to you, and learning them 'is the key to discovering and fulfilling the meaning and relevance of your own life'.

Rule Three - There are no mistakes, only lessons. Your development towards wisdom is a process of experimentation, trial and error, so it's inevitable things will not always go to plan or turn out how you'd want. Compassion is the remedy for harsh judgement - of ourselves and others. Forgiveness is not only divine - it's also 'the act of erasing an emotional debt'. Behaving ethically, with integrity, and with humour - especially the ability to laugh at yourself and your own mishaps - are central to the perspective that 'mistakes' are simply lessons we must learn.

Rule Four - The lesson is repeated until learned. Lessons repeat until learned. What manifest as problems and challenges, irritations and frustrations are more lessons - they will repeat until you see them as such and learn from them. Your own awareness and your ability to change are requisites of executing this rule. Also fundamental is the acceptance that you are not a victim of fate or circumstance - 'causality' must be acknowledged; that is to say: things happen to you because of how you are and what you do. To blame anyone or anything else for your misfortunes is an escape and a denial; you yourself are responsible for you, and what happens to you. Patience is required - change doesn't happen overnight, so give change time to happen.

Rule Five - Learning does not end. While you are alive there are always lessons to be learned. Surrender to the 'rhythm of life', don't struggle against it. Commit to the process of constant learning and change - be humble enough to always acknowledge your own weaknesses, and be flexible enough to adapt from what you may be accustomed to, because rigidity will deny you the freedom of new possibilities.

Rule Six - "There" is no better than "here". The other side of the hill may be greener than your own, but being there is not the key to endless happiness. Be grateful for and enjoy what you have, and where you are on your journey. Appreciate the abundance of what's good in your life, rather than measure and amass things that do not actually lead to happiness. Living in the present helps you attain peace.

Rule Seven - Others are only mirrors of you. You love or hate something about another person according to what love or hate about yourself. Be tolerant; accept others as they are, and strive for clarity of self-awareness; strive to truly understand and have an objective perception of your own self, your thoughts and feelings. Negative experiences are opportunities to heal the wounds that you carry. Support others, and by doing so you support yourself. Where you are unable to support others it is a sign that you are not adequately attending to your own needs.

Rule Eight - What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. Take responsibility for yourself. Learn to let go when you cannot change things. Don't get angry about things - bitter memories clutter your mind. Courage resides in all of us - use it when you need to do what's right for you. We all possess a strong natural power and adventurous spirit, which you should draw on to embrace what lies ahead.

Rule Nine - Your answers lie inside of you. Trust your instincts and your innermost feelings, whether you hear them as a little voice or a flash of inspiration. Listen to feelings as well as sounds. Look, listen, and trust. Draw on your natural inspiration.

Rule Ten - You will forget all this at birth. We are all born with all of these capabilities - our early experiences lead us into a physical world, away from our spiritual selves, so that we become doubtful, cynical and lacking belief and confidence. The ten Rules are not commandments, they are universal truths that apply to us all. When you lose your way, call upon them. Have faith in the strength of your spirit. Aspire to be wise - wisdom the ultimate path of your life, and it knows no limits other than those you impose on yourself.

This summary is merely a brief outline and simply does not do the book justice, nor the wisdom within it. If you are interested in making the most of your life, and helping others do the same, buy Cherie Carter-Scott's book 'If Life Is A Game, These Are The Rules'.

stephen covey's seven habits of highly effective people®

habit 1 - be proactive®

This is the ability to control one's environment, rather than have it control you, as is so often the case. Self determination, choice, and the power to decide response to stimulus, conditions and circumstances

habit 2 - begin with the end in mind®
Covey calls this the habit of personal leadership - leading oneself that is, towards what you consider your aims. By developing the habit of concentrating on relevant activities you will build a platform to avoid distractions and become more productive and successful.

habit 3 - put first things first®
Covey calls this the habit of personal management. This is about organising and implementing activities in line with the aims established in habit 2. Covey says that habit 2 is the first, or mental creation; habit 3 is the second, or physical creation. (See the section on time management.)

habit 4 - think win-win®
Covey calls this the habit of interpersonal leadership, necessary because achievements are largely dependent on co-operative efforts with others. He says that win-win is based on the assumption that there is plenty for everyone, and that success follows a co-operative approach more naturally than the confrontation of win-or-lose.

habit 5 - seek first to understand and then to be understood®
One of the great maxims of the modern age. This is Covey's habit of communication, and it's extremely powerful. Covey helps to explain this in his simple analogy 'diagnose before you prescribe'. Simple and effective, and essential for developing and maintaining positive relationships in all aspects of life. (See the associated sections on Empathy, Transactional Analysis, and the Johari Window.)

habit 6 - synergize®
Covey says this is the habit of creative co-operation - the principle that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, which implicitly lays down the challenge to see the good and potential in the other person's contribution.

habit 7 - sharpen the saw®
This is the habit of self renewal, says Covey, and it necessarily surrounds all the other habits, enabling and encouraging them to happen and grow. Covey interprets the self into four parts: the spiritual, mental, physical and the social/emotional, which all need feeding and developing.

Stephen Covey's Seven Habits are a simple set of rules for life - inter-related and synergistic, and yet each one powerful and worthy of adopting and following in its own right. For many people, reading Covey's work, or listening to him speak, literally changes their lives. This is powerful stuff indeed and highly recommended.

This 7 Habits summary is just a brief overview - the full work is fascinating, comprehensive, and thoroughly uplifting. Read the book, or listen to the full tape series if you can get hold of it.

In his more recent book 'The 8th Habit', Stephen Covey introduced (logically) an the eighth habit, which deals with personal fulfilment and helping others to achieve fulfilment too. The book also focuses on leadership. Time will tell whether the The 8th Habit achieves recognition and reputation close to Covey's classic original 7 Habits work.

Various phrases on this page are registered trade marks belonging to Stephen Covey. Stephen Covey's principles are protected intellectual property and feature strongly in the Franklin Covey organization's portfolio of products and services.

if - rudyard kipling : Rudyard Kipling's inspirational poem - 'If'

Rudyard Kipling's (1865-1936) inspirational poem 'If' first appeared in his collection 'Rewards and Fairies' in 1909. The poem 'If' is inspirational, motivational, and a set of rules for 'grown-up' living. Kipling's 'If' contains mottos and maxims for life, and the poem is also a blueprint for personal integrity, behaviour and self-development. 'If' is perhaps even more relevant today than when Kipling wrote it, as an ethos and a personal philosophy. Lines from Kipling's 'If' appear over the player's entrance to Wimbledon's Centre Court - a poignant reflection of the poem's timeless and inspiring quality.

The beauty and elegance of 'If' contrasts starkly with Rudyard Kipling's largely tragic and unhappy life. He was starved of love and attention and sent away by his parents; beaten and abused by his foster mother; and a failure at a public school which sought to develop qualities that were completely alien to Kipling. In later life the deaths of two of his children also affected Kipling deeply.

Rudyard Kipling achieved fame quickly, based initially on his first stories and poems written in India (he returned there after College), and his great popularity with the British public continued despite subsequent critical reaction to some of his more conservative work, and critical opinion in later years that his poetry was superficial and lacking in depth of meaning.

Significantly, Kipling turned down many honours offered to him including a knighthood, Poet Laureate and the Order of Merit, but in 1907 he accepted the Nobel Prize for Literature. Kipling's wide popular appeal survives through other works, notably The Jungle Book (1894) the novel, Kim (1901), and Just So Stories (1902).

'if' by rudyard kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,

Or being hated, don't give way to hating,

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breath a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,

And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

Kipling is said to have written the poem 'If' with Dr Leander Starr Jameson in mind, who led about five-hundred of his countrymen in a failed raid against the Boers, in southern Africa. The 'Jameson Raid' was later considered a major factor in starting the Boer War (1899-1902).

And on a different subject, here's a remarkable demonstration of the power of your own brain, which makes unusual use of Rudyard Kipling's inspirational poem 'If'.

i am : relaxation and scripts for self-help, personal change and fulfilment

I deserve to be,
I want to be,
I can be,
I will be,
I am.

If you want to change your life you need to change how you think and change what you do. Self-help, personal change, being happy: it's up to you. No-one else.

You decide. This is the first step. Self-help starts with you. Self-help and personal change starts with your realisation that it really is in your own hands, and your decision to do something about it.

Your own self-belief is the key to successful life-change, achievement, contentment, and happiness.

Your own mind, particularly positive suggestion and visualisation, will develop your self-belief, and your determination to make successful change to your life.

This page will help you begin to change the way you think, feel and act.

Visit it any time you want to boost your self-belief, to relax, and to regain control of your life and direction.

Print this page and put it above your mirror, above your bed, above your desk, anywhere you'll see it every day.

Make time - actually schedule some time in your planner or diary to do this. It will dramatically improve your mood, attitude, and approach to life, and therefore what you get from life.

Positive suggestion and visualisation, combined with deep relaxation, is an easy way to make powerful positive personal change.

Just going through this relaxation exercise alone will help to change and improve the way you feel. If you combine the relaxation techniques with a repeated script of positive statements, such as the 'I am' script below, you will begin change the way you think, and feel, and act, and all that life offers as a result.

The more you use the relaxation exercise and say or hear the script, then the greater and more sustainable will be the effect.

The time it takes to change depends on different people. Stick with it and it will become easier, more natural, more enjoyable, and it will work.

relaxation exercise

Sit or lie down comfortably. Properly comfortably. Straighten your back, put your shoulders back to open your rib-cage.

Relax your shoulder muscles particularly. Relax your whole body, and empty your mind.

Close your eyes (obviously open them when you need to read the next stage).

Take ten deep, slow breaths. Breathe from the pit of your stomach and feel your lungs filling.

Focus on your breathing. Feel it getting deeper and slower. Feel yourself relaxing and any tension drifting away.

Relax your shoulders and neck again.

Visualise yourself being happy, succeeding, winning, being loved, laughing, feeling good.

Relax your forehead, your mouth and your eyes.

Allow a gentle smile to appear on your face as you feel a calmness enter your mind.

Then say (out load ideally) the words below (a script for personal change) to yourself:

i am

I am good person.

I have integrity.

I do what is ethically right and good.

Whatever life puts before me will be useful experience that will make me stronger, wiser, and more tolerant.

I am strong enough to understand and make allowances for other people's weaknesses, and their behaviour towards me. Other people's behaviour is about them, not me.

I focus on the joy of living my life and helping others where and when I can.

I am what I eat and drink, so I eat and drink good things.

I am what I watch and play and listen, so I watch and play and listen to good positive things.

I take exercise which I enjoy. I walk when I don't need to drive or take the bus or train.

I smile and laugh whenever I can - life is good - getting caught in the rain reminds me that it is good to be alive to feel it.

I forgive other people. Deep down everyone is a good person, just like me.

I am a compassionate and loving, caring person.

I am a good person.

I am.

be assured...

Most people judge themselves against entirely artificial criteria. Material success is not what life is about.

You can change your frame of reference. You do not have to accept a frame of reference that others have given you.

Many of the most materially 'successful' people are deeply unhappy, yet they strive and search (unsuccessfully) even harder for more material success.

Most ordinary good, honest 'being' people are fooled into believing that what they have is not worth anything. Don't be fooled.

The answer to happiness and fulfilment is usually found in achieving a simple acceptance of, and joy of living, a good life.

Enjoy 'being' and living a good life.

Next time you get caught in the rain, or bump the car, or get a headache - enjoy being alive to feel it and experience it.

making tapes or script recordings

You can increase the ease of using scripts if you make a tape or CD recording of yourself reading your script.

You can then use the recording any time you want.

Using a recording also means you can relax completely while listening to the words, with no need to open your eyes to read.

You can also listen to your recorded script at bed-time, before you go to sleep every night, which is also an effective way to reach and change your sub-conscious feelings.

using and changing scripts - what the 'i am' words mean

The 'I am' element alone is a powerful one because it embodies the sense of self-determination, which nobody and nothing can ever take away from you, and it emphasises the value of simply 'being'.

We each exist as a person of value and worth in our own right, irrespective of possessions and achievements. Accepting and reinforcing this concept is good for each of us. This, at its simplest level, is what 'I am' means.

"There is wisdom in accepting what you are. It is difficult to be what you are not. Being what you are doesn't require any effort. When you become wise, you accept yourself the way you are, and the complete acceptance of yourself becomes the complete acceptance of everyone else." (From 'The Mastery of Love' by Don Miguel Ruiz, with thanks to Allspirit.co.uk)

You can use the relaxation exercise, combined with a script, to change many aspects of your life and feelings.

You do this by adding, removing, or replacing statements in the script.

Keep the statements positive and in the present tense.

For example, if you want to be more confident, use a statement such as 'I am a confident person' rather than 'I will be a more confident person' or 'I will try to be a more confident person'.

If you want to stop smoking, use a statement such as 'I am a non-smoker, because I value my life and body' rather than 'I will try to give up smoking'.

If you do not want to give up smoking, merely to cut down, adjust the script accordingly, for example: 'I smoke only five/ten/fifteen cigarettes a day, because this is improving my health and my life' (better than smoking twenty or thirty day).

If you keep telling your sub-conscious that you 'are', then in time you will 'be'.

Use script statements that describe yourself as you want to be. Repeating positive scripts, combined with deep relaxation, will change your behaviour from deep within.

about relaxation, scripts and self-help

The use of scripts while in a deeply relaxed state is a ages-old method of gaining and maintaining control over our personal feelings and behaviours.

Relaxation combined with positive 'self-talk' enables self-help.
The use of scripts or strong statements while in a deeply relaxed state enables a 'conditioning' effect on our subconscious.

Changing our subconscious - our feelings and beliefs - increases our sense of calm and well-being, and also enables change in our conscious thoughts and behaviours. It's that simple. Some people find it easier than others to relax deeply. It comes with practice. If you find it difficult, allow yourself more time when going through the relaxation exercise. Create or put yourself into a quiet relaxing calm environment. Shut out noise and distractions. Lie down rather than sit.

When relaxing and emptying your mind it is natural for thoughts to arise - in which case simply acknowledge them gently and let them go - visualise them floating away like a balloon into the distance. Your ability to empty your mind and relax, free from thoughts, will improve with practice.

When you practice, you will increase the ease with which you can relax, and then you will find that you no longer need such a quiet environment. You will even find that you can achieve a deeply relaxed state in quite noisy stressful environments. Even sat at your desk at work.

Other methodologies and approaches refer to deep relaxation as 'meditation'. Commonly such methods are 'packaged' and surrounded by mystery or science. Don't be fooled. Anyone can do this. It's human nature, and instinctively accessible - free - to everyone.

Deep relaxation alone is good for the mind and body, without the use of scripted statements. Combining deep relaxation with good positive scripts is a powerful method of achieving greater happiness and for making positive personal change.

The use of repeating scripts (said or listened to) is ages-old as well. The principle is used in many timeless customs - some which are forces for good, others not so good - which are used to change or control feelings, including praying, chanting, singing, etc. Often these practices are combined with deep relaxation, meditation, trance, even hypnosis, again some for good aims and some not so good.

What I'm advocating here is the use of the same basic methodology - deep relaxation, combined with repeating strong statements - to achieve powerful personal change for the good, in the direction that you want.

If you are a coach or trainer you can help others with this type of personal change - see the personal change exercises ideas which use these relaxation, scripts and positive statements techniques.